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New testament... part 1

Darth Vader reads the New Testament...

Beginning with a genealogy... I get that it's part of the literary style, but really dull. Too bad it doesn't agree with the other listing of Jesus' genealogy.

What's so important about 14?

Isn't Mary supposed to be a perpetual virgin? But Joseph didn't know her until after Jesus was born, it says so right there... so she healed up again after every time?

Wouldn't it be insane to up root your family and move in anticipation of... you don't know what?

Twice so far, coming out of Egypt, coming from the seacoast, to fulfill prophecy on purpose. It doesn't count if you do it on purpose.

The story keeps jumping around, and I'm having a hard time following it.

I also don't really understand the "salt" analogy. the salt of the earth, and being discarded and cast out...? I don't get that at all.

This must be where that whole thought is as bad as the act thing comes from. just getting angry is as bad as the act. If you look at her with lust it's as bad as adultery... so what incentive is there to not follow through?

Don't divorce the wife because that's also like adultery... I guess that might be important at a time when women couldn't fend for themselves, but then, educate the women and then you don't have to worry about it so much.

Almost makes him sound like a classic liberal... in context, turn the other cheek, is like a passivism, like MLK, in that hitting back tends to lead to things like blood feuds.

This section about not praying in public because the commendation of others is your reward for that behaviour, but rather pray in private (in your closet). My grandmother should really know this section, it's right at the beginning.

No man can serve two masters. More Christians need to take this into consideration, because they seem to be having problems reconciling this... because if they really believe this, they should stay the hell out of my life, and politics.

Matthew (Chapter 6?)

Chapter 7 is a bit like a critical thinkers manual, or so one could interpret it. The mote in one's brother's eye rather than the beam in ones own... or whatever, as looking at other people's (logical) flaws, and not seeing the biases in own's own thinking. Works for a lot of things, i guess. They mean sin, of course, but I think poor critical thinking is a "sin".

Catholics don't pay too much attention to this passage about "you shall know them by their fruits". Because the Church's fruits these days are pretty rotten.

Matthew 8 seems to suggest that Jesus doesn't give a flying fuck about other people's families. Christianity intends to use the death of others to manipulate their followers.

I don't understand this reference to Jesus as the "son of man". Isn't everyone?

Having watched two movies recently set in the 19th century, I was appalled by their lack of medical knowledge. I'm equally appalled by the superstition that permeates the stories of Jesus' miracles.

More evidence that Jesus is full of it... anyone who holds their family to be higher than him isn't worthy of him (Jesus). my grandmother's gonna burn in hell, because she values me more than the church's desire that I avoided because of my atheism, and my apostacy. Not to mention it's immoral.

Some of this suggests a certain consequentialism.

Talks about how the Apocalypse, and the good and bad growing together. And Jesus' unnamed sisters...

Jesus told the villagers not to feed the beggers, but then he gave them food... why do that?

An awful lot of time to spend telling people not to wash your hands before eating.

What Peter does holds in heaven, and Pope is an heir to Peter... then why do Catholics have to abide by tradition? The Pope could just change the rules and god will agree, right?

Hallucinations and visions make them sound drugs. And Jesus is like a socialist.

The chronology is all messed up. The narrative structure is poor.

What is the point of the story with the fig tree? It makes Jesus sound crazy. I mean, cursing a fig tree because its too early in the season for it to have figs? Impossible expectations much?

Sometimes it's wise to speak in parables if you fear a police state, but it also makes the message so less clear.

No marriage in heaven. Sorry Mormons.

The disciples are pissed that this woman wastes expensive oil annointing Jesus before he dies, but they could have sold it and fed many poor. Jesus' reaction was rather immoral, in that the poor would always be with them, but he would not be.

I would be curious to know what kind of political machinations were going on. What would the news be saying?

Jesus' parables are going to hurt him now because they are going to be interpreted against him.

Where did Jesus ever call himself the son of god? I only recall other people saying that, at least in this book.

Mark

Reasoning in your heart?

The rationalizations in the bible are really interesting. Sometimes people ask stupid questions. Why do your followers not fast, but John the Baptist's fast? Oh, 'cause I'm the bridegroom, and you don't fast when the bridegroom is around, and someday... how bizarre. Why not just say the truth: because i haven't told them to fast!

When the bible talks about conspiracies and how to destroy Jesus that there is this common mindset with Republicans and Tea Partiers... there must be this conspiracy, people must be deliberately trying to bring you down if it doesn't go your way.... so they can't conceive that someone might actually not see Jesus as the son of god, and might actually have a "legitimate" reason for acting the way they do. Jesus is telling his followers things in parable, so that people have to be told what they mean. Isn't that a strange way to bring people over to your side. Wouldn't just the naked truth be better? Wouldn't you want to advertise the truth rather than conceal it? Doesn't that seem more effective? And that parables are hiding the truth?

Followers of Jesus are incredibly superstitious. If you are looking for credible witnesses, these people really don't qualify.

Casts a legion of evil demons out of one guy and into a herd of swine so the swine go crazy and throw themselves into the sea. So that might seem great at first until you realize that the whole village will starve now. If I was a member of that village, I'd be somewhat pissed off.

They mention four brothers and unnamed sisters if Jesus...

Someone who will keep an oath made in ignorance and thinks it's more important to keep that oath even at the cost of killing someone... that seems morally bankrupt, don't you?

Anything that can go into a man can't defile you, but things that come out of a man can? So you can eat anything but shit, urine or semen??? What? This can mean almost anything. Blood, emotion, sex, ... it can mean whatever you want it to mean.

Peter is calling him god, Christ, but Jesus still only calls himself son of man. Why tell no man he is god, if he really believes he is the son of god. None of this makes sense.

So Elias is supposed to come first, but Jesus is just asserting that Elias has already come, and so here he is. Everyone just missed Elias, I guess.

That us vs. them mentality... he is that not against us, is among us. a bit nicer, but still.

Chapter 9? Jesus is talking about cutting off your foot if that offends god, than ending up in hell with two feet. Can you imagine the literalness with which some people take this? Gross.

If you don't receive the kindgom of god as a child you won't enter it? So, basically all the disciples are fucked because they didn't meet Jesus until they were grown-ups.

That fig tree story again... he's punishing the whole community who depend on those figs.

In Mark they say Barabas committed an insurrection against the Romans. No wonder they wanted him instead of Jesus. Jesus talked about rendering onto Ceasar that which was Caesar's, and Barabas had defined the Romans.

Where does Mark get his info about the scourging of Jesus and mocking by the soldiers? Witnesses?

Luke

John the Baptist is a cousin of Jesus through Mary. The genealogy goes back to Seth? Crazy.

He perceives their thoughts? So we've got a psychic Jesus. Okay!

So much repetition with other books.

It's so convenient to say you are the son of god, because you can just tell people you don't have to follow their rules because you are the boss's kid.

The parable of the seed, that falls on the pathway, and rock, thorns, and good ground. I look at it as natural selection. You have to produce an awful lot in order for some to divide. What authors of the parable could be saying is that god has to create man and evil in order for ANYONE to do well and live among him. Maybe he's lonely and wants company, but there is an inevitable price to be paid. Most will perish and suffer and die, but he's so fucking lonely in heaven to abide the consequences so that a few people will come to live with him. Kinda like a small child. Evil exists in the world because that's the way the world is and god is just working with the system... of course, if he's omnipotent, then he should be able to fix that. Everything depends on how you conceive of god. If you change how you conceive of god, you change how you interpret the parable.... which is why science is not written in parables.

If you are performing miracles, why continually tell people not to tell people that you are doing these things, and that no one should no about it. He raised this girl from the dead, but told parents not to tell anyone. He cures leoprosy in public, but then this? Why not?

These repeated passages are quoting one of the other gospels literally word for word. Really dull.

All these spirits are being cast out, but I want to know some follow-up stories. How are they doing a week or two later? Inquiring minds want to know.

Jesus wants people to abandon their dead relatives, their jobs, their lives, their families, and go follow him. If that isn't the sign of an egomaniac, and devoid of compassion, I don't know what is.

Jesus admits he brings division: mother against daughter, etc. Lovely.

They seem to have a different meaning of the word hypocrite than I'm familiar with. They seem to mean ignorant instead because they refer to a lack of knowledge.

Humans should forgive, but not god or the prophets.

Luke seems to make it clear that he didn't tell anyone he was the son of god, only that "they" said that he was.

The story of the crucifixion is very different than that in Mark (?).

John

Remarks in "margins" in the recordings are strange.

John claims that Jesus says he is the son of god. Almost every other reference has avoided that claim from Jesus' lips.

Stopping here. Need another road trip... I've only been working on this since 2007... :)

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