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Deuteronomy to Samuel

Oh, wow... it's been since December since I last updated on my audiobook tour of the Bible. I'm actually all the way to Psalms at this point, but I don't know if all my notes will make it all into a single post. But as soon as I get all my notes off my old Blackberry, I'll be able to donate it to some serviceman who needs it, since I already bought a new Tour. :)

Where did I leave off? Oh, Deuteronomy? I recorded some of these notes back in February on a trip to Atlanta, and then some later ones on other shorter trips.

Driving through southern part of state, all the Christian billboards make me want to put up my own. Especially the morbid ones that say "If you died today, where you would spend ETERNITY?" Yeah, really need a nice atheist one next to it. Do Christians not notice how morbid that is? Let's ask Ruth Bader Ginsberg where she will spend eternity.

On this trip I took a detour to Jim Beam for some good bourbon. :)

(I couldn't remember where I left off before, but when I started recording, I had thought I was near Numbers.)

I am suddenly wondering is if god really favoured all these people in the bible, the way he says he does, why did he let them die in the first place? (I am in Deuteronomy.) Don't you think he'd have had more success keeping the children of Israel in line if he'd let Moses live forever?

Now in Joshua...
Where are these 12 stones from crossing over the Jordan? Anyone know where any of these monuments are at? I've never heard of them before. A second circumcision? How can you do that? I mean, and if they've done it before, what are they circumcising now? And "circumcise all the people?" are they talking about women too? Or is this that misogyny thing again where women aren't real people and don't count for this sort of proclamation?

Going off to battle and I'm gonna cut off the tip of my penis. this Jericho thing, you know ark of covenant, and blow horns, and all is destroyed, this would be pretty convincing evidence that maybe there was a god. Why doesn't this happen anymore? And it doesn't seem smart to kill all the people and destroy all the property & animals. in a land of scarcity, that seems especially stupid. god is not an environmentalist.

Rended clothes and put dust on their heads. I don't get it. One person messed up and then god punished the children of israel by killing 30,000 men. Oh, yeah, that's a proportional response! great! overkill! And that was a "small ambush?" wouldn't 300 have been more impressive?

Carpenters were brought into bondage as payment for not destroying people and city... so if as is traditionally done in the ancient world, a son learns his father's trade, then Jesus isn't actually an Israelite at all?

I've totally forgetten the explanation for the half-tribe of Menassah... (sp?) it's getting irritating every time they mention it, though.

The genealogy and stuff, is part of the style and whatever, but there are sections of the bible that are about as exciting as the reading of a will.

Judges... I think this is about as far as I ever got trying to read it on paper.

Book of Mormon is claimed to be parallel cultural development. (Bullshit)

So woman is hiding a guy in her tent, but there is another guy in her tent? Ok, no, same guy. she takes a nail and hammers it through his testicles? (Okay, it's been six months, and I must be missing something on the audio...)

And did you know you can choose the best warriors by how they drink water? Seriously. If they raise the water to their lips with their hands, they are the best. So the bible claims. If they put lips all the way to the water, they aren't so hot.

One judge had 30 sons and 30 daughters? (and how many women did that take?)

Who's going to be a Nazarite? In the OT? Did Nazareth exist in the OT time period? or is this another Nazareth?

Ooh, another biblical billboard... last 5-6 commandments, the ones that even atheists can basically agree to, but they are a stand-in for saying the other 3-4 should also be the law. What is the point of posting this, though. These ones are not disputed.

How much is a "lock" of hair? How can Samson have "seven locks"? braids? curls? When they talk about knowing him, I'd really like to see that verb "know" in the context of Samson, and taking him into the house, and all that, relative to other uses of "know" in a sexual sense? Same verb? Or different? especially after dividing concubine into 12 pieces. Maybe they had reason for concern? The idea that killing a woman who was raped was a moral act is really beyond comprehension.

They are looking fora wife for this guy, and everyone wants to give him their daughters. So they go out and slay a town of Israelites who weren't obeying the rules. They kill everyone except 400 virgin girls, and they go to the guy and say, here, pick one. Again, I have a difficult time understanding how this could ever be even remotely perceived as moral. If this is what the bible calls family values, I vote no.

In Ruth now...

Israelitess? I think that's what my recording said... a remark about the sequence of adjectival endings. This insistence on the feminine form of words that don't have them in English produces really bizarre results.

The stories in the bible aren't really very representative, I mean, so many virgins... there was never a time when virgins made up that large a percentage of the population. they just covered it up. But it wouldn't be so bad if they were more like Greek myths. I mean, those were mostly fun, but biblical stories are so freaking obsequious.

"They that defied me shall be politely ???" clearly a line that made so little sense in the original that it can't even be reconstructed from my audio notes. in book of Samuel now.

They often talk about things that didn't happen "until this day". Are they talking about the day in which the story takes place? Or the day that the story was being written down in?

I don't get this. The ark of the convenant is stolen and it's being carried around. and people are dying, but why doesn't god just return it to where it belongs? rather than just leaving a trail of death? If he can do the one, why not the other?

I was on my 4th CD of this at this point (on that trip) and I was becoming brain dead.

This seems like a good place to break.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Sep. 9th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
Deuteronomy to Samuel
Interesting blog. This has got to be the funniest thing I've read today:

"The stories in the bible aren't really very representative, I mean, so many virgins... there was never a time when virgins made up that large a percentage of the population. they just covered it up. But it wouldn't be so bad if they were more like Greek myths. I mean, those were mostly fun, but biblical stories are so freaking obsequious."

:-)
inafoxhole
Sep. 10th, 2009 01:16 am (UTC)
Re: Deuteronomy to Samuel
Thanks for stopping by.

Biblical myths make me think of slave morality much more so than Greek myths.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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