March 11th, 2007

qui-gon

handkerchiefs of god

I got this letter in the last couple days, the one I've been reading about going around. I've gotten ones like this before, but allow me to expose for you--in case you've never seen one--the insanity of the true believers.

On the outside of the envelope, front, it reads: God's Holy Spirit instructed us to loan you this to start turning this around for you. So, here it is. Use it and be blessed. (Actually the 'you' and 'for you' are double underlined. As is 'use this'. I guess one underline wasn't enough for them, we need to SHOUT a little more.)

On the bad of the envelope it reads: Dear God, With our Bibles opened to St. Matthew 18:19, we humbly and sincerely pray on bended knees for You to anoint this letter with Your precious and holy power to meet the most pressing needs that someone is facing as they open this church letter of prayer.
Heavenly Father, we pray that this one who needs this divine help will write their needs on page two of this letter and will place this blessed, biblical, Acts 19:11,12, Handkerchief and this sealed Bible prophecy under their side of their bed as they sleep tonight.
Let Thy power from heaven descend upon this home tonight and tomorrow night, after this one has mailed their most pressing needs back to this 56-year-old church ministry. We pray that they will break open this sealed prophecy after sunset tomorrow. Amen.

Yeah, they really did use all that bolding and underlining with bolding, and italics, and even 'Amen' at the end is in an entirely different typeface, just to make it seems special. Hmmm... does this mean I messed it up by opening it before I slept on it????

One thing I have to laugh at is the disconnect between the postmark and the address on the back of the envelope. The postmark says "mailed from zip code 21233", but the mailing address on the back is Saint Matthew's Chruches, P.O. Box 21210, Tulsa, OK 74121.

Fun. So let's read the letter...

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But there is MORE!

Testimonials of at least seven people who don't get that they are making a logical fallacy... specifically post hoc ergo propter hoc. My son is off dope; my husband stopped drinking; I got a big check in the mail... it's all god. All good things are god, and look somewhere else for the bad shit.

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What exactly is the point of constantly repeating "this 56-year-old church"? This "prophecy" would have made a lot more sense to me two years ago. Where was my letter then?

I think I'm gonna hang on to the prayer "handkerchief" though. It's decent paper. I could use it for stationary or something... :)