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more religious junk mail

Woohoo! Time to make fun of pathetic people!

Is that mean-spirited?

I get this envelope, I gotta tell ya, the envelope itself is enough to make me want to puke.


I mean, what a joke. They are loaning it to me? They don't even know me. If they did, they wouldn't bother. And frankly, as will be quite clear, nothing in this envelope has ever been used before. It's all straight off the printer. And I betchya, when the church gets some of these back, they are going to simple destroy them... possibly with some ceremony, but destroy them nonetheless. That isn't really "loaning".

One the inside, I find a couple of things. First, is the return envelope:

That just funny. One has to wonder what the mail carriers think when they see this in their bin. What happens if they send it next week???

Then here's our fun letter!

There is a part of me that is inclined to show this to my computer students. We are talking this week about word processing vs. desktop publishing, and frankly, this is one of the worst examples I've ever seen. Here's what NOT to do, kids! I mean it looks wild and frenetic at best. And the content! How do you anoint a paper prayer rug without leaving water stains? I don't get the deal with leaving it around for one night only. Where is that in the Bible? And if God know everything, why all this nonsense? And of course, their list at the bottom of needs are precious in and of themselves. A closer walk with Jesus? Hell, no. I want the car!!! :)

Here's our pretty prayer rug... it's too big for the scanner, though, but you get the idea.

Well, this all pretty useless. I mean, when they sent me a "prayer handkerchief", I could use it as stationary or something. This... I don't have a printer big enough. And I can't exactly send something out with Jesus' face on it. And notice the little note from the bottom of the front of this... if you stare at it, the eyes will open? Some optical illusion, probably. There are some very subtle shadows on this eyelids that suggest this.

The testimonials!

Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, anyone? Prosperity gospel, anyone? How do they explain Bill Gates?

For more comedy, I'm sure, check out the websites they listed: http://www.biblicalprayer.com and http://www.aboutsaintmatthewschurches.com

And then, of course, the prophecies...

Proceed at your own risk!!!

Okay, when am I NOT making a decision about something?? That 4th paragraph is speaking to exactly the kind of vulnerable people that would be sucked in by this nonsense. The whole thing sounds like a long-winded fortune cookie. And we all know just how "prophetic" most of their fortunes are.

images all reduced. Save to your own drive or see my scrapbook for full-size images.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 26th, 2008 08:53 pm (UTC)
Lol. Wow. That hurt my eyes.
May. 14th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
Nice quote

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income
parents' lives a misery."
"... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears
because of what you just said."
"I want you to picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't
pay for one Master of the Universe Battlecruiser!"
-- Filthy Rich and Catflap

May. 17th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Nice quote
May. 15th, 2008 09:24 am (UTC)
Saint Matthews Churches
I join in your reaction. Whether we are agnostics, atheists or have a religion other than Christian (or other than THIS particular brand of Christianity) it is blatantly offensive. I am going to try to send the envelope back to the sender without opening it. It is the worst kind of "junk mail"!
May. 17th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Saint Matthews Churches
these people are worse than used car salesmen.
May. 21st, 2008 09:07 pm (UTC)
Blood sucking leeches. These people have followed me for several years. I received so many mailings, I took 'em all to my postmaster who contacted them and told them he would no longer deliver their mailings to my address. I lived in PA back then, 2005.
I relocated in FL in May, 2007. I received the same old material from them today. They have no forwarding address on me!
I believe they look for deceased persons with relatives. This info can be found in public records. In the event the deceased has left an estate, they'll tell their victims they have a special servant who talks directly with God and "knows" God will help them financially in return for donations. In reality, they're looking for a portion of the deceased person's estate.
If we are born with "free will", Christianity needs to accept that and let us Pagans and Athiests alone. They try to force their beliefs on us and clean our pockets simultaneously. So much for them and their bloody Crusades. They committed genocide for profit and advancement of their own beliefs.
May. 22nd, 2008 11:21 pm (UTC)
Re: saintmatthewschurches
It is a time-honoured tradition for the unscrupulous to take advantage of the needy, and religion is not immune as a means to that end. It's a shame they can't be sued for false advertising.
May. 22nd, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
2 ways to handle this mailing
1. The people that are stupid enough to send them money deserve to lose it so do nothing.

2. http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/bulkmailer/

Either way someone pays. I'm leaning towards #2 as the paid postage envelope sits in front of me since I would rather them pay than receive.
May. 22nd, 2008 11:23 pm (UTC)
Re: 2 ways to handle this mailing
Send them a lump of coal!
May. 23rd, 2008 01:31 am (UTC)
Re: 2 ways to handle this mailing
The envelope used to sent the thing has non-profit postage rate on it!

Kind makes you wish there was a hell for them to go to unless...

What if they are atheist and are just making a few bucks, or a lot, of the idiots that would fall for this crap. Does not seem so bad then ;-P
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


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